When I'm on stage, I'm not scared of anything, I feel I'm so strong, I can beat anyone, I'm so confident. But off stage I'm nothing... I'm scared and I feel ugly inside.
I feel sad and lonely... I'm in pain.
My ideal woman is woman who is tough, strong and always smiling making everyone feel safe. Music world is still men's world, still dominated by men... , boys in bands are popular with girls. But It doesn't apply to a girl in a band.
I always loved boy bands. But instead of wanting to be their groupie, I wanted to be the boys who get all the attentions from fans. Why do I wanna be the position of watching bands? I wanna stand on stage and rock out.... So that's who I became.... All I wanted to be was those boys play instruments in front of loads of people and rock like fuck. Girls screaming at you.
But I'm a girl. it's not the same.... I can't be the same. it's just because. it's because I'm a girl.
While I'm watching my band mates having lots of attention from girls,. I just get wasted and wrecked from giging and rehearsing. My back hurts, my arms and legs hurt. I have friends who care about me, they want to hang out having fun with me, but I've got so many problems in my mind I need to sort out. I'm broken hearted. It really fucking hurts. I love my friends. I feel fucking shit being a shit mate flaking out.
Life is wierd. You only live once, I don't believe in reborn or whatever it's called. I don't fucking believe in what's waiting for you after your death. I just live now.people say if you can't love yourself who can love you????
Fuck that shit. I don't love myself. I feel so shit about myself.
I love friends who I love and, I just feel that I'll do anything for them. That's my pride. that's my love...
Don't make me having anymore bad dreams....
11 comments:
i felt the same about wanting to make music and being in bands, i was always the only girl in my band (until now, my bandmate is a girl).
and it's true those 'fan' girls are all over your male bandmates then...but i haven't been single since high school so i didn't really feel lonely... i can imagine it gets lonely sometimes.. when you say if you don't love yourself you can't love someone else... i don't agree with that, sometimes when you fall in love the other person makes you feel loved and you start to accept yourself more.
i used to get wasted but health problems are not worth it..you get even more problems then. x
when i see you at king tuts in october, i'll make sure everyone is calling on 'keex' :D
Look at pictures of your friends before you go to bed. Might work?
Love the new PRE album btw! Come to LA sooooooon!
Stay Rad.
Claytony
Keex I think you're the coolest frontgirl for a band ever. I discovered PRE and then somehow stumbled upon your blog and I love reading it, found out about more about you and so I think you are sooooooo cool. I even have pics of you from the internet on my wall like a poster, like im a teenager with a crush. This hasn't happened for like 10 years. Please don't feel lonely, be happy. Please? Listen to Kim, she speaks sense x
だいすきよう！
thank you everyone.
i wasn't expecting you all to leave me such a nice comments to make me feel better...
It's lame of me to write this kind of post. x
You're welcome! And you can write whatever you want, since it is your blog. Be cool x
well, everyone has down times, especially (it seems) the more creative types, whether you're a rockstar/frontwoman or a writer, or whatever the hell else. All I know is that I saw you and PRE on my B-day this year in San Diego, and it was the best show ever, basically cause of your antics -- you're a super cool frontwoman, and if I hadn't been bombed out of my head, I would have come and tried to chat you up :) (haha...if I could have found you after the show, or had any idea what I would say beside gushing oh-so-ordinary, fanboy, banal praise...) Anyhow, I'm sure you've got legions of fans who fondly recall you and your shows every so often...that's got to count for something...otherwise, hope you find yourself in a better mood, feeling connected, less sad & lonely...also, come back to San Diego!!! Cheers ~
Buy a dream catcher! or even make one with thoughts of good dreams. P.S. you rock so dont let anyone make you feel less amazing than what you are.
Keex- you thrash. thanks for making the music that keeps our hearts strong, even when it's raining razorblades. (and remember that there are many lads out there who fancy you completely...) also, thanks for tearing up portland and next time, come with Comanechi!
I have proof of your イドル like status on my new blog post x
again thanks everyone for the comments. i'm such a lucky girl to be able to do what i love having amazing friends and fans around me to support me. thank you xxx
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