I've been having bad dreams,... I keep dreaming things I don't want to see.... It's making me upset and cry, it doesn't obviously make me realise that it's only a dream while I'm dreaming. I wake up and still feeling upset. Why do I have to have such nasty dreams?
When I'm on stage, I'm not scared of anything, I feel I'm so strong, I can beat anyone, I'm so confident. But off stage I'm nothing... I'm scared and I feel ugly inside.
I feel sad and lonely... I'm in pain.
My ideal woman is woman who is tough, strong and always smiling making everyone feel safe. Music world is still men's world, still dominated by men... , boys in bands are popular with girls. But It doesn't apply to a girl in a band.
I always loved boy bands. But instead of wanting to be their groupie, I wanted to be the boys who get all the attentions from fans. Why do I wanna be the position of watching bands? I wanna stand on stage and rock out.... So that's who I became.... All I wanted to be was those boys play instruments in front of loads of people and rock like fuck. Girls screaming at you.
But I'm a girl. it's not the same.... I can't be the same. it's just because. it's because I'm a girl.While I'm watching my band mates having lots of attention from girls,. I just get wasted and wrecked from giging and rehearsing. My back hurts, my arms and legs hurt. I have friends who care about me, they want to hang out having fun with me, but I've got so many problems in my mind I need to sort out. I'm broken hearted. It really fucking hurts. I love my friends. I feel fucking shit being a shit mate flaking out.Life is wierd. You only live once, I don't believe in reborn or whatever it's called. I don't fucking believe in what's waiting for you after your death. I just live now.
people say if you can't love yourself who can love you????
Fuck that shit. I don't love myself. I feel so shit about myself.
I love friends who I love and, I just feel that I'll do anything for them. That's my pride. that's my love...
Don't make me having anymore bad dreams....